There was a loser who couldn't get a date. He went to a bar and asked this one guy how to get a date. The guy said, "It's simple. I just say, I'm a lawyer."
So the guy went up to a pretty woman and asked her out. After she said no, he told her that it was probably a good thing because he had a case early in the morning.
She said, "Oh!!!! Your a lawyer?"
He said, "Why yes I am!", so they went to his place and when they were in bed, screwing, he started to laugh to himself.
When she asked what was so funny, he answered,"Well, I've only been a lawyer for 15 minutes, and I'm already screwing someone!"
http://www.comedy-zone.net/jokes/laugh/lawyers/law3.htm
If two lawyers were drowning, and you could only save one of them, would you read the paper or go to lunch?
http://www.free-funny-jokes.com/funny-lawyer-jokes.html
A lawyer named Strange died, and his friend asked the tombstone maker to inscribe on his tombstone, “Here lies Strange, an honest man, and a lawyer.” The inscriber insisted that such an inscription would be confusing, for passersby would tend to think that three men were buried under the stone. However he suggested an alternative: He would inscribe, “Here lies a man who was both honest and a lawyer. That way, whenever anyone walked by the tombstone and read it, they would be certain to remark: “That’s Strange!”
http://www.free-funny-jokes.com/funny-lawyer-jokes.html
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